Recontruction of a life
by L.S.Piccin
Summary: Well, this story is just an idea of mine for what happens after always, I kind of changed a little bit the end of the episode. Hope you guys enjoy! NOTE: I'm Brazilian, so excuse me if I made any mistake.
1. Introduction

Introduction

_"__I'm done!"_

Those words were spinning on her head since the moment he left her apartment. They fought and he left. But how could he ask her to stop the investigation? To stop looking for her mother's killer, for the one behind all of it?

He didn't have the right to keep important information regarding her mom's case from her. He should have come straight to her and told her about the mysterious man who was protecting her as a favor to Roy. Instead, he went behind her back and hid that from her.

Just when she thought they were doing great again and that the possibility of them getting together grew stronger with the pass of the days. He had even invited her to stay with him while Alexis was partying, and she said yes, knowing exactly how the night was going to end… They were finally getting together for good.

And then they got that case that started the dominos fall. He lied to her and she found out, he said he loved her and she cut him out, he practically asked for her to choose between going after the person behind her mom's killer and his love, he said he was done and she said nothing… domino after domino fell right in front of her eyes and there was nothing to do but stand and watch.

If he had come clean about that sooner, she could go after him and demand some answers. She probably could had found the responsible for her mom's death already and she probably wouldn't have fought with him, gone rough, suppressed evidence, got her ass kicked and almost getting thrown from a roof… She probably wouldn't have gotten suspended and, in a rush of emotions, confusion, adrenaline, broken heart hate toward Castle and fear, quit her job.

Either way, no matter how much she hated him for doing things the way he did, when she was hanging from the ceiling on her finger tips, all the hate was pushed aside and there was that emotion that she was trying to shut down since he left her apartment the night before – FEAR. Fear of losing him, because the only thing she had on her mind during those few seconds before Ryan and the other cop grabbed her hands was him. She only could think about Castle. It took her the possibility of losing him (more than dying) to admit to herself what everyone else already knew – an, sometimes, pointed out – that she loves him.

Fear for admitting it. Fear for giving up to the feeling. For letting someone in on her fortress, and getting hurt once more. For surrender to it and to him and someday they end up exploding and hating each other and hurting each other. She couldn't bear losing another person she loves.

A few rain drops started to fall on her face. Sitting on that swing, where they buried the hatched not so long ago, she couldn't avoid thinking about everything she did wrong, every choice she made during those four years and that messed up the possibility of a relationship between them. Lying, shutting him down, keeping him out no matter how hard he tried to put down her barriers or how much she wanted him in.

And now, he was inside and she was afraid that he was not going to like what he would find. Since her mom's death, something changed inside her, she went to a lot until he arrived. She drop Stanford, saw her father lose himself to alcohol and then fought hard to bring him back and reconstruct his life, she became obsessed on finding her mom's killer and, just like her father, she lost herself, her life, to her job. Before he came in, she wasn't having fun (even Montgomery told her that) and he messed everything around, turned her life upside down and now, now she couldn't see her life without him on it.

Soon enough the rain grew stronger and she lost herself completely in her thoughts, drowning on every thought and every scenario that her mind played. Her tears mixing with the water that soaked her hair, clothes and skin. The rain washed the remains of her makeup – already ruined by her crying – and for a while she didn't wanted to go anywhere else. She was unemployed, hadn't get much sleep on the previous night, practically ate nothing the whole day, almost died, was hurt, exhausted and, probably, had lost the love of her life…

Castle would never forgive her!

_'__Or maybe…'_ She thought, getting rid of the tears on her eyes and standing up. Determination dancing on her eyes and pushing away the fear from her mind. She had to get him back! She had to go to his place and try to get him to forgive her… Do anything she needed to do. Even if she has to beg on her knees… she couldn't let the love of her life slip throw her fingers because she was afraid of what could happen or because of her mistakes.

Holding on to that thought, either he forgives her or she dies trying because she would never get over losing him forever.

With that in thought, Kate walked under the pouring rain about to become a vicious storm to her car, starting the ignition and getting the fast route to his apartment on Soho. Alexis' graduation should be long over by the time and he would be all alone at his place, if he was still following his plans like he had told her the day before.

So, a few minutes later, there she was , standing by his closed-door, her phone on her hand searching for his number, staring at his photograph on the bright screen. She pressed call. Tears rolling from her eyes when he refused her call.

Kate didn't want to consider that he could reject her. That he wouldn't answer her call, what would happen if she knocks on the door?

Well, the worst that could happen was him slamming the door on her face or screaming, or both… However, she tried calling again and again and again.

She took a deep breath before knocking on the door. Actually, she took a couple of ones before the knuckles of her fingers hit the hard wood. Her heart fastens on her chest, betting aggressively against her ribcage, her breath shallow, eyes full of tears… Then, she heard noises coming from inside and the door being unlocked ahead of her.

Her heart nearly stopped when he opens the door and they are facing each other. His eyes full of rage and resignation. His eyes full of pain staring at her.

They said nothing… she couldn't even start the speech she formulated on her way to his apartment.

"Beckett, what do you want?"

She was tired and she couldn't say a word and, out of the blue, she started to feel dizziness.

"Kate?!"

Castle reached out for her when her legs failed, holding her tight on his arms when everything went dark and her eyes shut.

"Beckett?"

He called out again but she passed out. Holding her with one arm, he used his free hand to push her hair away from her face and noticed the bruises, showing up after the rain removed a huge part of her make up. She was soaking wet, cold, shivers running along her body.

Rick took her in his arms and carried her inside and to his bedroom, carefully placing her on the bed.

No matter how much pain she had caused him or how much he was hating her at that moment, he couldn't just let her that way. He knew on his guts that he had to take care of her.

Kate was feverish and ice could and he had to take her out from those wet clothes. Castle left her on the bed and went to his closet, picked up a t-shirt and some shorts then he returned to her, starting to gently take of her wet clothes and changing her on his. He pulled the blankets over her so she could warm up. Sitting by her side, on the edge of the bed and checking her temperature once more. He would have to keep one eye on her the whole night in case she gets worse.

_'__Too much to ask for cold turkey with Kate Beckett'_, he thought.

"Castle…"

She murmured, her eyes flickering.

"I'm sor…"

"Shhhiiu… It is okay. You need to sleep now. We can talk when you wake up."

"Promise?"

Her voice was weak and her touch on his check was subtle, her eyes only half-open. She was really, really exhausted and all she needed on that moment was a good night of sleep.

"I promise! Good night Beckett."

"Night Rick."


	2. Chapter One

Hey guys, thanks for the reviews on the introduction, as this is the first fanfic that I share, your words make me really happy and make me want to write more and more. So, keep reviewing. Hope you like what is about to come and that you guys enjoy it while we are waiting for this hiatus to end.

*I don't own Castle (that is with Marlowe), only the mistakes (well, they are actually mine).

**Sorry it took me a while to post this chapter, just decided to start this new fanfic during exams week at college, so, had to take some time away from my computer and actually study.

* * *

><p><span><strong><em>Chapter One<em>**

The morning sunshine hit Kate's still sleeping body. The storm had stopped at some point in the night and now a bright and warm sun was breaking the clouds on a beautiful and rare sunny day in the winter. She stirred and slowly started to wake up with a strange feeling that something was off. Well, that bed was off… That wasn't the smell of neither her bed nor her bedroom. That was… That was Castle's smell.

Her whole body was hurting and it took her a moment to really start functioning, when she lunched her hand to the bedside table searching, still a little unconscious and sleepy, for her phone, but she found and empty space where her bedside table should be. That definitively wasn't her bedroom.

After some seconds of trying to remember what happened the night before and not remembering jack since the playground, she gave up and started to open her eyes. _What was the worst thing that could have happened? Did they sleep together? But wouldn't that be a good thing?_

Well, that wasn't her room and the probability of that being Castle's was huge.

But, after her eyes were already used to the bright light coming from the outside and she finally got courage to look to her left side, she found nothing. Castle wasn't there. In fact, there weren't signs that indicated that someone had slept there and all she found was a folded piece of paper over the pillow and under her phone.

She took the phone on one hand and the letter on the other, unlocking the scream to see what time was it. Kate sat up in a jump when she realized it was almost two in the afternoon and she was still in bed– not that she really cared with the hour, 'cause she didn't have a job to go anymore -, but… Wait… those were not her clothes! When did she change? Where the hell were _he_r clothes? Have they…?

Okay, maybe it was time to get some answers. Some much, much-needed answers and a good start could be what was written in that piece of paper on her hands, so, she unfold it and found Rick's perfect handwriting.

"Kate…

How are you feeling? Better, I hope.

You must be a little confused right now, so I thought it would be a great idea to write you this note so you could read it when you wake up. Well, you arrived here a little past midnight, soaking wet and literally fell into my arms, you were palled and weak and cold and feverish, so I took you in and put you in my bedroom and took care of you. Please, don't be mad at me, but I had to take you dirty and wet clothes of your body and changed you into some clean ones (mine, if you don't mind). Hey, don't you worry I did my best not to look at your nearly naked body, but it is hard to change someone's clothes with the eyes closed. And your underwear was off-limits too, so I didn't touch them."

She could imagine the grim on his lips when he was writing that part.

"I was worried when I couldn't wake you up earlier in the morning, so I called Lanie. She passed by and said all you needed was to get some sleep, but if you didn't wake up in a couple of hours I should get really worried. She also said you look dehydrated and was probably going to catch a cold. I made her swear that you were not going to die, and she did it."

Kate almost laughs at it.

"I also asked her to pass by your apartment and pick up some clean clothes and other stuff you might want. Considering you are not going to want to stay in my shorts and t-shirt until your clothes is clean and dry… Yours were really dirty so I took the liberty of washing them for you. Your clean clothes are on an overnight bag in my bathroom. Take a shower, get cleaned up and met with me on the leaving room (or my office, in case I'm writing).

Castle"

Okay, that was a good start. She remembered being on the way to his place last night, but that was it. The last thing she remembered was getting on the car and starting driving to his place, nothing else.

What was she going to do now? She could jump from his window, but she probably was going to die and her last experience of almost falling was not a good memory. Either way, she could try sneaking out, in case he was at his office, writing. Or, she could face the storm with head up. _He had taken care of her and that was a good sign, wasn't it?_

Then, be it! She came to talk to him, so that was what she was going to do!

After a starring contest with the paper she made a decision, she finally started moving her body to get out of his bed. _His really comfortable and cozy and warm bed_. Slipping her legs out, her feet were met by the soft carpet on the floor and with a jump, that took more effort that she had considered and that her legs could hold, she fell back on the mattress. Her stomach twisting and her head spinning around.

Right, the fact that she hadn't eaten something on the last 24 hours and she was getting a cold was a really good clue that indicated that she was going to be a little weak. But she had to get up, so she tried again and this time she succeeded, stumbling walking toward his huge bathroom.

On the bag that Lanie had brought she found everything she would need. Clean clothes, her toothbrush, her cherry shampoo and hair conditioner, body lotion, some light makeup, even her hair dryer and hair straightener.

Lanie seemed to had a hard thought about every single detail, because on top of everything, the first thing she saw when she opened the bag, Kate found her brand new black laced pair of lingerie and a note written "enjoy".

At that moment Kate really wanted to hit Lanie.

Kate took her hygiene products and went straight to the shower, ignoring the huge bathtub on the corner and to stare her reflex on the mirror. She was going to take a long bathtub on her own place, with a good wine, some nice music and book. However, she had to get ready to "the talk of her life with the man she loves".

Showered, with her teeth brushed, hair and makeup done, dressed in a white comfortable shirt, jeans and her Chucks, she left the bathroom almost an hour later and found her phone scream shining. She had just received a new message from Lanie.

_"Hey girl, how are you doing? Didn't get any updates from writer boy in hours… should I Be worried or should I just assume you are enjoying my little surprise. Couldn't resist when I saw it sitting on a drawer."_

Kate read the message and thought about what she was going to reply.

_"I'm fine. Not dead yet and you probably won't have my body on your table very soon. I screwed up this time, Lane… don't know if I will enjoy it soon!"_

Some minutes later came the reply.

_"Girl, just open your heart. He loves you!"_

_"I'll try. You know I love him too."_

_"Sure know. Just go out there and apologize… No matter what he was done, you did worse this time."_

_"What if he is not there anymore? What if he is done waiting?"_

_"Then you suck it up and get over. But, let's not jump to conclusion already. Go and talk to him. Just be honest. You are human Kate, he will understand. Call me later, if you need to talk. I would invite you to come visit me at the morgue, but Javi filled me in about what happened. Sorry girl. Now go get you man!"_

_"Thanks Lane… Talk to you later."_

After pressing sent on the last message for her best friend, Kate was finally ready to go out of his bedroom and face him. They had to talk and she didn't know what to expect from him. Walking down the stairs she didn't find him anywhere around the leaving room or the kitchen, so there was only one place he could be – his office.

And there he was, by his desk, on his laptop, tipping furiously and really focused. He was so concentrated that he didn't even realize she was silently watching him for some minutes now.

"Kate?!"

He was surprised. She didn't seem the same woman he found by his door and nursed all night long. She was beautiful on the simplicity of her comfortable clothes.

She still could see the pain she caused in his eyes when they stared at her.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Better, thanks."

Then there was a moment of awkward silence between them that seemed more like years for her, until he stood up and passed by her, walking toward the kitchen. She followed him.

"Castle, we need to talk!"

"We will do it. But we will do it over some pancakes, you must be starving."

"Castle, wait, please! I'm sorry!"

She ran after him and grabbed his arm in order to make him stop and turn to her. But he didn't. He forced his arm away from her hand and kept walking, not even turning around to face her. Castle was still refusing to look into her eyes. He didn't want her to see his pain.

"You are weak. You need to eat something. Lanie's orders. I'll make some pancakes for you."

"Rick, I don't want any pancakes. I just want to talk. Clear the air! Please, give me a chance to excuse myself."

Castle stopped.

"Excuse yourself? Do you want to excuse yourself now? What about two nights ago…"

He stopped and sight, turning around to catch her gaze. He saw the tears coming to her eyes.

"Kate, I did what I did to protect you and how did you treat me? You shut me down… you treated it like you doesn't matter to anyone… to me! Kate, I told you I loved you and still you didn't care! You were so drawn on your mother's case that you forgot about everyone else around you. Everyone that care about you!"

"Castle, just let me talk…"

"Kate, you lied to me. You told me you had lost you memory about the shooting… I saw you dying on my arms… I told you I loved you and you wanted to forget that it ever happened… you chose Josh…"

"Castle, I was scared..."

"I waited for you for four years… I am not that playboy you met anymore! I'm not that reckless, selfish guy… I changed for you and I stayed because I couldn't bear losing you, not having you in my life every day. And if I couldn't have you with me I was okay by having whatever it is we have, because at least you would be by my side. YOU made me a better man! Before you came into my life I was on the edge and about to fall. You save me from myself!"

He stopped, his beautiful blue eyes turning red and tears surfacing. Kate gave some steps forward in order to get closer. Their gaze glued to each other for a while.

"You have any notion about how much you hurt me in this last year?"

That was a question that she didn't want to answer. But he was anxious on telling her the answer.

"I told you I loved you and you pretended to have forgotten. You said you were going to call, then you didn't and after two months you just showed up, out of the blue, because you needed my help. Then we kissed and never talked about it. Everything was going great and we were getting closer again, going somewhere, moving forward, but then, then I heard you telling that you remembered every single second of the shooting… You lied because you were to coward to admit to me that you didn't feel the same way… and then, I decided to give it another try, when you told me that you were almost on the place where you could accept everything that happened that day… everything… finally we got to the final act: last night! I think I don't really have to tell what happened. There is no much a person can handle, Beckett."

He called her a coward… Castle was so worked out during his speech that, when he got to his final line, it was a nothing more than a whisper. His eyes staring the tip of his shoes.

"Rick, I love you!"

She was just a few inches far from him. Slowly, not wanting to scare him just like he was a wild animal, she placed her right hand on his chin, gently moving his head back up so their eyes could find each other again.

"I love you, only you Castle!"

Kate said again.

"Seriously, are you bringing this up now?"

He used her own line against her.

"I never bother waiting, Kate. And you know why? Because you were there by my side no matter what and every day I prayed to God for you to just open your eyes…"

"I'm sorry Castle! I'm so, so sorry. I was stupid, Rick. I was a coward! I never knew what we had and that scared me. I got the coward's way and hid myself from this… from the possibility of us… for the possibility of us not working and we both end up hurt… you were at the stage with me that day, you could have been shoot… I'm damaged good Rick, I have my ghosts and I didn't want you to get catch in the middle of it and end up like almost everyone I love and cared about. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you. But now you are a part of me, you are a part of my story!"

It was her time now. She was just going to spill it out and wait for his reaction.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you Rick. Please believe me when I say that I never wanted to hurt you… But I really didn't know how to deal if it… You came into my life by accident and you change everything, you turned my life upside down and made a huge mess and, somehow, I got used to it and ordinary became boring. Soon the only thing I wanted was the crazy mess you cased… but, to give what you deserves I had to deal with some things first. So I could be yours and only yours… Sadly I almost had to die again to understand that there was nothing more important in life than being happy, and you make me happy and nothing else matter if you are not by my side… My job doesn't matter, my mom's case don't matter, my life… Yesterday you were the only thing that kept me alive; thinking about you gave me strength enough to hold on a little long… you saved my life again. On the moment, hanging on the edge… I only could think about you and I was not going to die without apologizing to you and telling you how much I love you!"

He analyzed her once more. During those past few years he had learned how to tell if she was lying or not. This time she was telling the truth.

"What happened?"

He gently stroked the bruise over her right eye; her makeup beraly covering it.

"We found him. We found the guy who shot me, Castle. But he got away. I almost fell from a roof and died and I didn't care… I quit my job and I didn't care. All I wanted was you! Please Rick, I'm begging you… Please, forgive me."

Kate closed even more the space between both of them.

"Beckett, what do you want?"

"Castle, all I want is YOU! I love you and only you, Richard Alexander Edgar Rogers Castle!"

Then the touch of her soft lips on his catch him by surprise, but he didn't move backward and after some seconds to processes what was going on, he just kissed her back. It wasn't a very romantic kiss, however full of passion and desire. It was messed up until they finally matched their rhythms… and then they exploded… all that love kept inside just came out and hit them on the face.

His arms embracing her waist and pulling her as close as physically possible. Her arms around his neck and hands running through his hair. Tongs begging for access…

When they broke apart to catch a breath, Rick could see the beautiful smile on Kate's lips but it didn't match with his own. But then, the unexpected happened, he was too hurt and even having accepted her apology there was still a lot to heal before he could be ready for her, so he just pulled apart.

Seeing her smile turn upside down when she tried to reach his lips once more, made his heart break a little more. That was what he ever wanted and he was the one keeping distance. Her eyes were still closed and when she opened them, he could see the why question floating on them.

"Sorry, Kate!"

She was on verge to break down again and that was hurting him even more.

"I… I… I just can't do this right now."

It was his time to heal and her time to wait.

"I need time…"

"How long?"

Her voice was breaking a little.

"I don't know."

She stepped back, eyes closed again, left hand covering her lips. She took a few deep breaths trying to control herself again, taking some time to understand what had happened. One last deep breath, running her hands through her hair before she opened her eyes again. She was trying hard not to cry. She nodded.

"Okay, Rick… Have as much time as you need. I'll wait!"

Her smile was still long gone when she kissed his cheek before saying her final line, turning around and leaving him glued to his spot.

"I won't give up on us that easily."

Kate walked toward the door, trying as hard she could to remain as controlled as possible to don't break down in front of him again. She didn't even noticed that Martha and Alexis were staring at them. Both red heads looked confused with what they had just seen and with Kate's face when she got to them.

"Katherine, hi! Is everything okay darling?"

Martha asked. Kate put a fake smile on her lips and nodded, not saying a single word; she passed by them and left the apartment. Martha's 'Richard, what the hell just happened here?' was the last thing she heard before closing the door on her back and finally allowing herself to break down.


	3. Chapter Two

Hey guys… Sorry for the long wait, but my laptop broke and I wasn't allowed access to a computer for more than a month. Besides I lost everything I had already written during the holydays. So, just now that I was granted access to a pc again, I was able to get some writing done and post some new chapters. I wish you enjoy what is about to come and a swear that I'm not going to let you guys waiting for so long again.

Kisses

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><p><strong><em>Chapter two<em>**

"Richard, what the hell just happened here?"

Martha asked to her son. But Castle was still locked inside the bubble he and Kate had created. He was lost. He couldn't understand why he brook them apart, why he stopped kissing her, or why did he stepped back when the woman he loves reached for his lips.

"How long have you being here?"

He finally asked, returning to Earth.

"We just came in. Dad, what happened? In a moment you two are kissing passionately, hungrily and on the other, Kate is running away from our apartment, crying?"

"I don't know, pumpkin… I don't know."

Castle turned his back, not giving much attention to his mother and daughter, that were really interested in finding out what happened between Kate and Rick. But, no answers would be given in that moment.

"I have a chapter to finish, excuse me."

He said on his way to his office, not exactly going to write something. Castle needed to think. He needed to think about what he was going to do, how he was going to handle that situation with Kate. Only god knew how much pain he felt when he pushed her away and asked for some time. His mother was right when she said "what the hell had happened".

'Come on Castle, what are you doing? You have the woman of your life in your arms and you send her away?'. He lost himself to his thoughts, on a discussion with his own mind. Half full glass of whisky on his hand.

'She finally says she loves you. Finally happens what you've being waiting for four years and you ask for time?'

"Dad?"

Alexis interrupted his discussion with himself. Standing bay the door of his study.

"Are you okay?"

She asked again.

"Yes… why?"

"Do you want to talk about what happened between you and Detective Beckett?"

"Sorry, pumpkin… I just need some time to figure things out."

He said, trying to put on a smile for his daughter. It was going to be a long night for sure.

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><p>After getting rid of the few tears that stubbornly decided to fall, Kate grew courage enough to stand on her feet and leave his building. When she closed the door on her back, she was hit by something bigger than her, and, with her back pressed against the wall she just slip until hit the ground. Kate was devastated, broken, defeated, unemployed, with someone hunting her and probably had lost Castle, her best friend and love of her life, forever.<p>

Kate stood there, sitting on the floor, starring at his door, hopping for him to open it and rescue her. But he didn't, and for several minutes she was crying, completely alone with him just a few meters away from her.

Him stepping away had hurt her in so many levels that she couldn't even dare to think, however, he needed time to think, he said he wasn't ready now and maybe, just maybe – she add that on her own – he would never be.

She was a monster. Rick had gone to her place to try to stop her from getting killed on the processes to find her shooter and to get answers about how was the responsible for her mom's death, for Montgomery's sacrifice, and she shut him down. Kate couldn't see the hell he must had gone keeping that information from her to protect her.

He had opened his heart. He had said he loved her, that he had been waiting for her to open her eyes. He had agreed on a deal with someone he didn't knew just to keep her safe. And how did she repay him? She treated him like he had betrayed her, like he had kept that information to prevent her to get justice, when he was doing the complete opposite. When was doing that to keep her alive.

Well, now everything was on the open. She opened up and told him who she feels, told him she couldn't live without him on her life anymore, annoying her, bringing her coffee, sharing his marvelous theories, being the best partner she ever had. Finally she was able to put down her walls and gave him full access. But what was she going to do if he never forgives her? Would she be able keep on living knowing she had found true love and had lost it because she was just too blind to see it earlier and afraid to live it earlier?

But, if his response to her first kiss served as evidence, she could tell that he loved her. The away their lips felt against each other, their breaths getting out of control, his arms holding her body tight against his, her hands going through his hair, the smell of his cologne… then, he step back, asked for some time to digest everything that happened. Time she was willing to give him. He had all the time he needed. She was going to wait!

With that in mind, she cleared the tears, rose from the floor and left. Now, all she was going to do was wait.

* * *

><p>"Richard?"<p>

It was Martha's time to try getting some answers for the occurred earlier. It was almost 9pm and he hadn't left his office for hours.

"Yes mother?"

"Son, what happened?"

Rick sight. He would have to talk to someone at one point. That discussion with himself wasn't going anywhere and Martha was the one who he always when for when it comes to Kate.

"She shown up last night… all wet and freezing… her eyes red of crying…"

"Did you two talk?"

"No. She passed out seconds after I opened the door. She was feverish and her clothes were all wet, so I took her to my bedroom, change here into some dry clothes ant let her sleep. She was too weak to try talking…"

"Okay. So, nothing happened last night… what about today darling?"

"She woke up around 2pm and came to meet me at my office. I knew we had a big talk ahead so I tried to stall a little bit. But she was persistent and we end up having a major fight. All the dirt was thrown on the fan…"

He stopped. He didn't wanted to remember every single phrase said during their fight.

"She almost died again, mother…"

There was a moment of silence between mother and son, before rick keep going.

"She said she came here to apologize, she said that telling me that she love me was the only thing that gave her strength to hold on a little bit more… she said she could die without telling me that…"

"But you were kissing when we arrived… what changed?"

"I don't know mother. You know I love her in a way I never loved anyone else. I would die for her if it was the case… but she hurt me so bad… the things she said the other day, when all I was doing was protect her…"

"Kiddo, I hate to say it, but I tried to warn you. You should have told her about that man before…"

"If I had, she would have jumped in, head first and with blinders."

"Way different from what she did!?"

Rick was confused with what his mother had said.

"Richard, you sure is a smart man, but you have a huge blind spot when it comes to Kate Beckett… She was going to jump in, head first and with blinders anyway, no matter when you disclosed the information about that man. And, as she quoted just before been shot at Montgomery's funeral, the best she could hope was to find someone willing to see it throw with her and she found that one person in you, my son.

Martha was holding his hands now. Tring somehow to reasoned with him.

"But when you hold that from her, when you met with that man without her knowing, when you struck that deal with him for keeping her safe, it felt like you had just betrayed her. She lost her mother, her captain and was shoot in the chest because of someone whose name is on those files Montgomery allegedly sent to this man. And you hold that information for her."

"Whose side are you on, Mother?"

"Yours, Richard. I'm always on your side. I just want to see you happy. Look how you were before her… and who she was before you arrive into her life. You two are perfect for each other, because none of you is perfect. But Kate Beckett is driven by her mom's death and until she doesn't see the end of this story she won't stop for nothing."

"Even if that kills her?"

"Even if that kills her."

There was silence again.

"Son, put yourself in her shoes for once. Think if it was you on her situation: someone hunting her and wanting her dead. How would you feel if she was the one holding that secret from you?"

"I wouldn't had done what she did…"

"Yes, you would. Hell, I would. Richard, on that moment Kate wasn't on her perfect state of mind… everything around her was spin and you brought that bomb and threw it on her lap…would you really expect that she understand that on that exact moment? Did you really thought that she would perfectly rationalize all that information?"

"But Mother…"

"Richard, I understand if you need time now. I understand that you want to punish her for everything. But just answer me one question: do you love her?"

"Yes, Mother. A lot!"

"So, son, you had her in your arms and let her go…don't you think you should put the past in the past and try having a future with her? Wasn't that what you wanted? To have her in your arms?"

"Yes, Mother… But if something happen to her? She is putting her life in danger and there is nothing I can do to stop her."

"Son, love is able to work miracles… What if, you two being together is the motive for her to move on? She shot Dick Coonan, the man who could give her some closure, just to save your life… she gave up solving the case for you once, Richard…and she didn't even knew she was in love for you back them… what makes you really sure is not going to do that again now that she admitted she is in love with you?"

"I don't know, Mother."

"Are going to risk losing her forever?"

"I can't lose her."

"Why don't you try to sleep on it and tomorrow you go to her place and talk to her? Put everything behind and start everything knew? Clean slate?"

"You know what mother, I'm not losing her!"

He said, rising from his chair. He had to do something; he had to go after her, grab her on his arms and kiss the hell out of her and love her 'till all her walls go down. He couldn't waste that chance.

Thirty minutes after had left his apartment, Castle arrived to Kate's building. Her neighbor, who already knew him and knew about his relationship with Beckett, let him in. they chatted a little until the elevator stopped at their floor. Rick went to Kate's door and the neighbor went to other way with a whisper of good luck.

He took a deep breath before knocking on her door.

No answer.


End file.
